


Love, Rin

by Moomoogirl1



Series: Four [4]
Category: Free!
Genre: A seemingly bittersweet ending, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Multi, OT4, Polyamory, Rin Cries a Lot, nagisa pulls a fast one half way through
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-11-06 14:25:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11038023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moomoogirl1/pseuds/Moomoogirl1
Summary: "Rin’s face warmed up considerably. He had been having these types of reactions when it came to friends. Who just happened to be male. And whom he cared for deeply for. For as long as he could remember. He  figured it was just some odd quirk about himself and felt no need to pinpoint why he felt the way he did. It was a discovery he was willing to put off for as long as he lived. But on that day, something in Rin told him it was okay to let these feelings run, just for today".In which it slowly starts dawn on Rin Matsuoka that he might be gay and in love with not one, not two, but three of his best friends.





	1. Rin Gets Some Sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually the first piece I ever, ever wrote in this Free! OT4 series of mine! But I've put it off for the longest time due to multiple revisions, writing other things and recently a real bad case of depression (that I'm still working on). This has to be about two, maybe even three years old so if you notice my style change as you read along, that's the reason. But I thought it was high time I get this out so I can move on to the NEXT piece of work I have planned for these dorks. Goodness gracious. Good thing I'll never stop loving these characters.
> 
> Anyway, I do hope you enjoy. Without further ado, the start of our story.
> 
> I do NOT own Free! Iwatobi Swim Club or Eternal Days.

 Rin looked up ahead, the sky turning into a perfect blend orange and purple. The colors were so bright and vivid, he imagined they would drip on top of his head. Makoto, gangly and wide shouldered, shyly nudged his side.

“It’s really pretty, huh?”

Rin already knew he was talking about the sunset before them. He responded with only a grin. It was kind of funny how perceptive Makoto was to the little things. He noticed Nagisa slouching his shoulders after practice because his mom scolded him that morning. He had no trouble voicing Haru’s thoughts for him. Makoto was what his father would call a “good kid”...his father would have definitely liked him. He was always going on about how he needed sweet kid for a friend and Rin would gag, complaining that he didn’t need any goody two shoes as a companion but…

“It’s always nice when someone notices pretty things like this”, Makoto continued, lifting a hand in the air. He gently moved it back and forth, as if he were smearing the colors in the sky like paint.

“I want to be surrounded by beauty,” Rin murmured in hushed tones, half joke, half confession. A flash of Haru appeared, streaking through the water, swift and free. A fire burned within him that day, refusing to diminish. Makoto slightly turned his hand, nodding in acknowledgement. Of course he already knew. He then put down his hand and held it toward Rin.

“There’s a story I read to my brother and sister about a girl who gathered sunshine. Here’s some for you!” His dreamy eyes crinkled and his smile was embarrassingly sincere.

Haru wasn’t there in the pool today because of a doctor’s appointment. Rin was on the verge of anger when he found out, because how dare that jerk not tell him. But Makoto understood and did every swim regime Rin asked, comforted Nagisa who was being weirdly despondent, continued to be friendly despite the lack of Haru. He had walked with Rin and not laughed when he got glassy eyed at the sky…

Rin briefly put his hand in Makoto’s palm and reasoned, Makoto, in his own way, was pretty beautiful too.

 

* * *

 

“Hey Makoto….”

“Hmm?”

Makoto stood by the pool’s edge, no longer the overly gangly kid he had been in elementary school. He was still ridiculously tall but now apparent muscles glistened under the ceilings bright lights, dripping with chlorine and h2o. He craned his neck over his forever wide shoulders.

Rin answered with a rather anti climatic, “Good job out there” and Makoto grinned, his dreamy eyes morphing into crescent moons.

“You did a great job yourself!” He exclaimed and then hunched when he realized he was probably being loud. Rin was almost tempted to tell him to chill and be as loud as he wished, but he merely chuckled a bit. Good old Makoto.

“Rin,”

Both boys turned to see Haru standing there and Rin couldn’t help but jump a little. The fuck did Nanase come from? Makoto however seemed nonplused, heck probably already realized Haru was there. His smile was still set in place but Rin didn’t miss the quick glance he took at him and the slight jump of his shoulders that contained a hidden laughter.

“We’re going to eat at a sushi place Nagisa suggested after this,” Haru said, calmly but quick. Rin could already tell this whole task was a bother for the freestyle obsessed fiend. “Are you coming or not?”

“Well damn, I don’t know,” Rin said placing his hands behind his head. “Am I invited?” Haru said nothing, only gave him a pointed look that screamed, ‘Now you’re just wasting time’.

Rin wondered why time was so important to Haru, like he was going to run out of it, as if every last moment had to be spent in the depths of water’s embrace before he left this plane of reality.

No...that was old Haru. This Haru was still stingy with his time but he shared it more fairly with his friends….with him. Rin turned to Makoto.

“You didn’t force him to invite me did you?” Makoto’s eyebrows rose in what could only be described as a pleasant shock.

“If he wasn’t going to invite you, I was”.

“They want to keep bothering you before college starts,”

Rin couldn't help but smile himself. It was good to hear Haru say the word college without a curt edge in his voice.

“Okay, okay, since you asked so nicely”.

“What’s this I hear about sushi?” Momo called a few feet away, standing with Nagisa and Nitori. “Is Gou-chan coming?”

“Of course they’d want to come…” Haru mumbled under his breath. He was being sarcastic but not mean spirited. His expression was far from annoyed, almost expectant. He had already taken the possibility into account, which became even more obvious when he peaked a look at Sosuke by the bleachers.

Rin covered his mouth his his hands and leaned towards Makoto’s ear. “Please help them get along”.

Makoto smiled, nodded but looked a little apprehensive. Rin didn’t blame him.

 

* * *

 

“Having fun?”

Haru passively answered, “Sure...And you?”

“If I said no, will you cry?”

Haru’s eyebrows then scrunched together as Nagisa and Momo excitedly sang a riveting epic tale of a boy and his water buffalo in the background. “Stop that”.

Rin laughed. Teasing Haru would never get old. He popped a piece of sushi in his mouth and glanced over at Sousuke and Makoto talking. Sousuke, reluctant to join in on this affair, definitely looked at ease now. He even smiled a couple of times.

“Were you expecting that?” Haru suddenly spoke up again, shaking Rin from his not so subtle observations.

“Expecting what?” Rin repeated as Rei yelled in the background for the horrible song to stop.

“Those two...to get along,” Haru said, slowly, carefully. Rin shrugged and ran his tongue over his teeth to check for stray rice grains. “Kind of. Makoto’s a pretty nice guy...so is Sousuke when you get to know him”.

“Hmm,”

“I’m serious,” Rin said making his voice a little louder, because Nitori was practically screaming over the meddlesome duo’s singing, begging for another song selection. Makoto suggested that one theme song from the show with the talking hamsters because he didn’t really watch tv and when he did it was with was with the twins. Nagisa and Momo went right for it as Rei asked Makoto why he didn’t love himself.

Haru whispered, returning right to their conversation as if nothing from before even took place, “He’s making Makoto nervous”.

“He’s always a little nervous when he meets someone new…” Rin pointed out in an attempt to make an argument until he shut his mouth and really thought about why Haru was so insistent on talking about this. His time was precious after all.

“Are you jealous?” he mouthed and the quiet boy’s face refused to move, save for the twitch in his left eyebrow.

Gotcha.

“Aww, don’t worry you dofus. As if Makoto would stop being your bestie,” Rin ignored the twinge in his chest when he said that and forgot all about it a second later. As always.

“Shut up,” Haru muttered but he didn’t budge when Rin boldly put his arms around his shoulders and was still in his arms when the store manager gravely told them that if the singing didn’t cease there would be dishes to wash.

 

* * *

 

“I see why you guys like him so much,”

“Who?”

“Tachibana,”

Sousuke, tall and steady, walked by Rin’s side as they headed towards his house. Sousuke’s was too far from here so he was spending the night over. They had since left the restaurant and said their goodbyes to the others.

“Well I’m glad you at least like one of them,” Rin jibbed and Sousuke smirked. “What are you talking about? Between Hazuki’s singing and Ryugazaki’s whining, I fell in love”.

“Jeez, you’re a jackass,”

Sousuke let out a bark of a laugh that shook Rin’s bones. It felt familiar and warm and _right_.

“I’m kidding,” he excused himself, clapping a hand on Rin’s back. “They’re an entertaining bunch and Ryugazaki and Hazuki were pretty friendly once the spectacle stopped...Actually, I found out Tachibana and I are going to the same college”. Rin’s eyes widened and his mouth turned a little slack. “No way, what a coincidence!”

“I know,” Sousuke agreed. “Small world after all. But I think it will be nice, knowing a friendly face on a new campus...since you’re not going to be there”.

Rin felt his stomach drop. “Yeah…”

The two walked in silence for the rest of the way. When the porch light was seen Rin suddenly turned and took Sousuke by the arm. What needed to be said needed to be said now and outside his house, he honestly wasn’t exactly sure why.

“You’ll always be my best friend Sousuke,” he said, voice tight with emotion. Sousuke’s smile looked rueful. “ I thought that was Haru”.

“Nah, I mean...I’m a shitty friend, I don’t have besties,”

The air between them was tense. Rin almost wished it was with anger. He never liked bitter things.

“Did you...seriously use the term bestie in a serious sentence?”

Rin looked up. What he saw was disbelief, and a crooked smile that didn’t know what to do with itself anymore. But Sousuke’s bitterness had left. For the time being. Rin let out a shaky breath.

“F-fuck off,”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be messing with you like this...and saying stuff like that…” Sousuke patted Rin’s back again, and then slowly began to rub circles on it. Rin sighed and leaned back into them.

“We’re going to miss you. Makoto was actually saying how he feels a little sad that your return felt so short,”

“Was he?”

“I told him well, how do you think I feel, and then we started devising ways to force you to stay...at least shoot us an email once in awhile this time. I prefer phone calls or texts by the way”.

“Noted...I’m not an angry cry baby anymore so I’ll definitely stay in contact,” He looked into Sousuke's eyes and began to realize they were almost as dreamy as Makoto’s yet piercing like Haru’s. “I want to be a better friend to you all”.

“If it matters, I already think you’re a pretty amazing friend. Still crybaby at times but-”

Rin punched him in the side and then Sousuke pulled him into a headlock. Their laughter filled the hot night sky and Rin thought it sounded better than any song Nagisa and Momo could screech. They tumbled into the house, leaning on each other as Gou admonished them for staying out so late.

 

* * *

 

Australia was hot as always.

However, something felt different this time around. For instance, no one made weird faces at him anymore when he talked. Maybe it was because his English had improved. Or that everyone was more mature and now knew how to engage foreigners. Maybe it was because the coach apparently made a huge deal about him and as soon as he was introduced to the team, his new teammates exchanged pleasantries, and talked about how excited they were to have him on the team.

It was startling and new...but it felt damn good to not be so ostracized this time around.

“Hey Rin-kun, look at the koala bear!” his teammate Anthony called, pointing to the creature in it’s cage. Rin stared at the little thing, hanging tightly onto the branch as it munched on some leaves. “Cute...hey, what did I say about calling me Rin-kun?”

Anthony grinned cheekily. “But I think your honorifics are cool. ‘Sides isn’t nice to be reminded of home every now and then?” Rin laughed, rolling his eyes. “I didn’t ask you to do that for me”. Anthony shrugged, guilty as charged. “Whatever, you’re welcome,” he said finishing his case before jogging away to meet the rest of the team. They had decided on a whim to just hang out at the nearby zoo after practice. It was pretty sweet how chill and relaxed this team was without compromising their hard work and determination to be the best team they could be. Rin fondly smiled as Anthony ran up to another teammate, Craig, and gave him a slap on his back. The action suddenly stirred a memory and he quickly fished his phone out of his pocket.

“Come on Rin-kun, before we leave you!” Anthony called back to him.

“Just a minute!” Rin called back before lifting his phone to the koala bear and tapping the camera shutter. As he walked back to his rowdy team mates, he opened his messages and sent the attached picture.

Three hours later, as Rin was toweling his wet hair after a nice shower, his phone began to vibrate and he could already guess who it due to the time of night. Pausing for a bit, he picked up his cell and answered. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much,” Sousuke answered back. “That koala bear was not cute by the way”.

“Shut up, you know you loved it”.

“No, I fucking did not,” Sousuke said, sounding so grave Rin could barely keep from grinning. “I don’t know why everyone likes them. They’re kind of creepy. I mean, have you looked at their ears and claws?”

“And their beady, menacing eyes, what’s up with that?” Rin jeered on.

“Exactly!”

“Oh my god, I’m just going to send Makoto pictures of cute animals from now on. I’m officially revoking your cute pictures from Rin privileges”.

Sousuke let out a “tsk”, sounding unperturbed by the threat. “Go ahead. I think he secretly wants you to. If it’s small and furry, he’s sold”.

There was a corner in Rin’s brain that scoffed at Sousuke claiming to know Makoto so well because it had only been a few months since they started to attend school together. But he kicked that thought to the curb because there was no need to be so skeptical. Makoto was Makoto. He wasn't that complicated to understand. So instead Rin replied with, “Of course”.

“And he still has that picture of the baby kangaroo as his wallpaper. I keep telling him to change it but he just tells me until you send him an even cuter picture of one, it’s going to stay...so hurry up on that. He’s so stubborn when he wants to be...” Sousuke said all this with the previous warmth that he teased Rin with. A warmth that was mainly given to just him and Gou as youths and then Nitori and Momo, and now Makoto and Rin fought the rising discomfort in his chest. A discomfort that seemed to appear more and more with every phone call back home.

“What did you send Nanase by the way?”

Then there were times where this happened. This being when Sousuke asked what Rin and Haru were up to about in their text and it weirded Rin out to the 10th degree. It always seemed like Sousuke was asking more for the sake of finding out what was up with Haru than what was up with him. It was strange and alien at best. But Rin pushed on and answered after some hesitation, “A baboon’s bottom”.

“Wow. You are so in trouble”.

“After he sent me a pic of slug on that rotten tomato he knew what he was getting himself into”. He hoped he didn’t sound too clipped but the words came out sounding rough to his ears.

Sousuke then barked out a laugh, his voice ringing in Rin’s eardrums. He felt a shiver run down his spine and he suddenly found himself back to that one time, first time Sousuke laughed when they were in elementary school. Rin was sulking because he had stupidly thrown away the popsicle but held onto the wrapper in his excitement. He must have made quite the face because Sosuke suddenly exploded in laughter, and Rin jumped in shock because he had never seen the boy laugh before that, so shocked he actually forgot about the popsicle, even after Sosuke calmed down and gave him his unbitten ice cream sandwich, and Rin thought, just for a brief second, that Sousuke had never looked so pretty until-

“You hypocrite, you’re the one that started it,” Sousuke accused, shaking Rin from his rapid string of thought. “It was just as gross. Nanase’s a weirdo but even he didn’t deserve that. He literally threw the phone across the table and Makoto kind of gagged and couldn’t finish the rest of his meal”.

Rin huffed, flat out irritated at this point. “Well shit, sorry if I ruined your guys meals”.

“Don’t be like that,” Sousuke said in a now soft tone. Like a mother gently admonishing a child. Rin’s stomach twisted into itself. Sousuke could always read him for filth, knew his every last nasty habit and shining quality. Perhaps he wasn’t hiding his recent feelings as well as he thought he was after all.

Unlike all those times in the past where he was incredibly grateful for Sousuke’s knack for simply _getting_ him, he now wanted to flee.

“Uh, yeah. Hey, I gotta go real quick, for a second. Call you back?”

The request was meet with an silence that even though miles apart made the air around Rin feel heavy.

“...Okay then,” Sousuke finally agreed. But it was clear that they both knew Rin wasn’t going to call again for a while.

They said good bye and Rin, suddenly exhausted, decided it was a good time to call it a night.

He lay under his covers, trying to make his mind as blank as possible, but sleep did not come to greet him. It kept evading him, screaming at him to get his shit together. He hadn’t last time and that nearly cost him several friendships. An hour later, Anthony texted him, the words jumbled and nonsensical. He was drunk, that idiot. But that didn’t stop Rin from picking up his phone and pressing the call button. Anthony picked up, with an obnoxious, “Wha’suuuup Rin-kuuuuun?”

“Do you ever get kind of pissed off when all your friends back home do stuff, and hang out, and change without you being there?” Rin asked hotly. His dry eyes were burning against the air and he felt so foolish. What the fuck was he doing? Anthony became stone quiet, the music in the background looping through it’s beat. But before Rin could hang up, he began to speak.

“...Yeah, I do”.

Rin’s hot eyes blinked, taken aback. Anthony agreeing with him wasn’t a possibility he even considered. “Are you playing with me or...?”

“Wha? No,” Anthony insisted, slur still evident in his voice. “I know that feeling too, too, too well. I...had these two friends in high school. There was Clarissa, the coolest gal ever and... And then there was my best pal, Jason. We’ve been friends since middle school so that’s a pretty long time”.

“We all hung out together in high school. We barely got into any quarrels. We were like the three amigos, always together, that was our thing...So when college neared I was kind of freakin’ out when they both decided to stay and go local while I would be here. But it was my dream to swim for this team and they encouraged me, and said we’d keep in touch. And we did! But then...I got the feeling they were starting to view each other differently since I felt. And now they’re telling me they’ve been on a couple of dates and...”

Rin sat and listened in stunned silence as Anthony continued, the slurs in his voice replaced with an almost pitiful shakiness. “I was-I’m so fucking mad Rin. That’s why I’ve been pushing myself harder than ever. Swimming is the only thing that takes my mind off it. And it's why I convinced everyone to go to the zoo today. I just wanted to stop feeling so shitty...haha, god, saying all this out loud I feel really pathetic…”

“You’re not,” Rin meekly comforted. “If you’re pathetic...well that makes two of us”. Anthony sniffled, somberly laughing.

“That’s good then. It sucks being alone”.

Rin couldn’t agree more. “...I’m sorry though. I didn’t mean to bring up painful stuff”.

Anthony let out another shaky laugh. “No, it’s cool. I actually...really needed to tell someone this...Can I come over Rin?”

“Are you drinking alone?”

“Yeah…”

“Stay right there,” Rin ordered as he threw the phone on the bed to dive for a pair of jeans. It was only thirty minutes to midnight and Anthony’s dorm wasn’t too far from here.

When Rin arrived, Anthony opened his front door, smile crumpled like paper and holding a glass of water. Alcohol could only do so much. They spent the rest of the night watching shitty sci-fi movies and telling each their life stories.

 

* * *

 

For nearly two weeks, Rin didn’t make any attempts to call or receive text from those three. Instead, by end of the first week, he called Rei.

The boy answered, a little confused. “Hello Matsouka...Is everything alright?” Rin smiled at that pointless politeness Rei still managed to pose whenever he greeted him.

“Nah, just calling to check up on you. And Nagisa and my little sister of course”. It wasn’t a lie, not really. It certainly had been a while since he heard from the trio.

“Oh!” Rei gasped out. “Really?” Rin got a little miffed that he genuinely sounded so shocked. However, without further prompting, Rei readily told him all that had been happening at home. About their new teammates, the meets they had with his old academy team, about how Gou and her friend have joined them for lunch on the roof.

“She and Nagisa have become insufferable,” Rei said but not without a warm laugh. Rin could practically feel all the fondness he had for them flow out from his phone. It was...comforting and didn’t fill him with the same bitterness he succumbed to whenever Sosuke told him about his, Makoto, and Haru’s antics in Tokyo. “You sound like you’re having fun,” he said, smiling softly. “I’m glad”.

“I’m just glad you called honestly!” Rei exclaimed, still in wonder. “Ai says you text him and Mikoshiba from time to time and well, it’s nice to be included too”.

A choke nearly escaped Rin’s mouth. He couldn’t believe what was actually happening here but of fucking course it was. All this time he was hurt about how the others making new memories in Tokyo without him and here he was excluding his kouhais despite caring for them just as much. Damn, when was the last time he actually called Gou?

“Shit, sorry Rei...I bet Nagisa and Gou are a little ticked off with me too, huh?”

“Oh, I’m not upset. But if I am to be totally honest,” Rei said, sounding guilty. “They’ve been silently listening to our conversation this whole time..”

“REI-CHAAAAAAN!”

“Rei, no! You were suppose to wait until you pretend to say good bye and then I take phone and let him have it!!”

Nagisa and Gou’s voice erupt from nowhere and Rin found himself throwing a hand in his forehead and chalking up a surprised laugh. “Oh my god, seriously guys?”

“Don’t you DARE laugh nii-san,” Gou shouted into the phone, most likely snatching it from Rei just now. “I’m still angry at you!”

“Riiiiin, I miss you!” Nagisa screamed into the receiver. “I know Ai-Ai is cute and all but remember I was your original little brother type, so I get priority texts before him!”

“L-Little brother type? Nagisa please, we are not in an anime...”

“Nii-san, say something! Preferably, an apology!”

Rin spent the next fifty minutes soothing the trio down and nearly losing it when Nagisa joint called Nitori (who Momo happened to be with of course) into the conversation. But when he finally hung up, he laughed and laughed out loud until he was gasping for air.

 

* * *

 

Four to five days later, Rin couldn’t really recall, Makoto called.

When he saw his name flash across his cell phone screen, Rin didn’t need to think twice about stuffing the electronic under his mattress. But when the phone buzzed for a third time, Rin’s imagination began to run wild with images of a Sousuke with red, burning patches on his skin and of Haru screaming and breaking down in a locker room.

“Rin?” Makoto’s voice squeaked out and Rin couldn’t sense any panic in his voice. “What’s up?” he unintentionally croaked back. He winced at that mishap as Makoto spoke again after a shy laugh.

“I’m so glad you picked up,” he said, sounding relieved. “Sousuke and Haru were beginning to freak out”.

“Lovely,” Rin said through gritted teeth as he tried his best to ignore the thumping of his heart roaring through his body.

“So then! Is...is everything alright?” Makoto asked, cutting straight to the chase. Rin nearly forgot just how motherly Makoto could be. It was the only way to explain his habit of prying into one’s business without being snoopy. Sometimes, he’d wait to until you were ready to tell him. Rin supposed two weeks was enough time for the both of them.

“I’m fine, just busy” he lied, his mind flashing back to last Thursday when he played checkers with Anthony and a few others from the team. He was spending more time with them than usual, and some of them even commented about it. He never realized just how much of his social life was spent sending texts back to Tokyo.

“...Really?”

“Yeah so don’t worry about it”.

There was a snap in his voice that Rin couldn’t conceal. But he silently prayed to whoever was up there that Makoto would just drop it. His prayers remained unanswered as the gods permitted Makoto to throw a fast one instead.

“I was scared the water killed Haru”.

Rin felt his mouth automatically open, at a lost. “What…?”

“That time in elementary school on the bus. When we were coming back from the river Haru nearly drowned in to save Aki’s scarf,” Makoto explained plainly, without so much as a hint of emotion in his voice. “You asked me what was wrong, and that you had never seen someone so scared before. And I lied and told you I was fine. But I was really terrified that the water which I had grown to fear so much was going to take Haru away”.

Rin suddenly remembered the event, vividly. The horror in Makoto’s eyes as he screamed Haru’s name, the flashing lights of the ambulance, how Makoto smiled when he asked if he was alright and just assumed he was being truthful.

“Why are you bringing this up now?” Rin nearly yelled, already knowing the reason.

“Because we’re friends,” Makoto said, emotion gripping his voice once more. It sounded so gentle, without any accusation and Rin could feel his eyes begin to water. He thought back to how Anthony had called himself pathetic. But he was the pathetic one, it was always him.

“I-I just...I miss you guys”.

“I know”.

“You’re doing all these things together and Sousuke and Haru are practically friends in their own weird way and I didn’t get to see that happen! And I made Gou, Nagisa, and Rei feel left out even after I promised them I’d keep in touch, and Ai admitted to me in a text after we all had this crazy group call together that he was happy we could talk without it seeming like I was just checking up on the team or his swimming, and…”

Rin’s voice trailed off, a nasty lump in his throat preventing him from going on. “Damn it!” is all he could hiss as a tear fell down his cheek. He accidently hiccuped. “Damn it…”

As he cried into the phone, Makoto hushed him, told him it was alright and that he was sorry they made him feel left out. Rin couldn’t help but find that hilarious in spite of the tears that kept falling. Trust on Makoto to apologize for something that wasn’t his fault in the slightest. Sousuke would calm him but still laugh at his endearing sensitivity. Haru would probably get a little mad and demand to know why he hadn’t voiced his concerns instead of keeping them to himself. But Makoto was patient and caring, and shit, Rin began to wish Makoto was physically there with him. Makoto always had the nicest hugs…

A couple minutes and a few more sobs later, Makoto asked if he was okay again. “I’ll live,” Rin said with a sigh and Makoto’s laughter was light as a feather. “That isn’t what I asked Rin. But I guess it will have to do. I can stay on the phone with you as long as you want or leave you be. Whichever works best for you”.

Rin scoffed, rubbing the remainder of his tears from his eyes. “But you’ll be disappointed if I decide to leave it here”.

“Oh no!” Makoto protested profusely. “I’m already really happy that we got to talk. Pictures are nice but I...missed hearing your voice.” Rin, like a reflex, made a gagging sound and had the audacity to giggle when Makoto whined, “Riiiiiiin,”. All the burdens from the past week were beginning to lift off his shoulders. He even felt light headed. It was similar to the crazy laughter after his phone call with Rei and the gang only without the impending dread of things still needing to be fixed. It could only be total and undeniable relief.

“Makoto, I missed you!”

“So you’ve told me!”.

“I’m sorry I stuck to texts,” Rin apologized, reasoning that Makoto needed to know everything that had been weighing on his heart at this point. “I was just afraid that if I called you, I, I don’t know, there would be these awkward silences between us. And I would hate that because those never happen when we talk in person, and I’d get paranoid that we’re really not as close as I originally thought we were”.

“If it makes you feel better,” Makoto said, his voice strained but sounding just as relieved. “I was afraid to call you myself for pretty much the same reason. That’s why I wanted you to call first...We really are silly, aren’t we?”

“Heh, yeah. Too bad only one of us makes overthinking things look charming with 1000 megawatt smiles”.

“Hey, I think Rin has very nice smiles too”.

Rin’s face warmed up considerably. This was usually the part where he would wave away these bodily reactions as being excited or feeling overly sensitive, or even ignore them all together. He had been having these types of reactions when it came to friends. Who just happened to be male. And whom he cared for deeply for. For as long as he could remember. He figured it was just some odd quirk about himself and felt no need to pinpoint why he felt the way he did. It was a discovery he was willing to put off for as long as he lived. But on that day, something in Rin told him it was okay to let these feelings run, just for today.

“You flatterer”.

Makoto’s laugh no longer sounded just light, but heavenly. Rin could already see his trademarked smile. “See you already sound better. I’m so glad! Wait...someone’s coming in-Oh hey Haru!!”

Fuck.

“I’ll be finished in a minute so just-Wait, wait hold on!” Makoto’s efforts to hold off Haru were all in vain. There was some scuffling and he was definitely not surprised to hear a surly voice say his name. “Rin”.

“Look, I know, I know, I’m sorry-”

“I don’t need a phone call like Makoto and Sousuke,” Haru cut in. “But I do need to “hear” from you. At least three times a week. That’s my requirement”.

“Are you seriously giving me rules to follow?” he asked incredulously, yelling out the last part.

“If you think, I’m going to let you become a stranger again, you’re sorely mistaken”.

“Haru!” Rin heard Makoto whine in the background while Rin’s mind was whirling at Haru’s nearly possessive ferocity. “Haru, he wasn’t trying to hurt us, just talk to him-”

“Let’s have Sousuke talk to him”.

Sousuke (at Rin’s reluctant suggestion to add him to the phone call) didn’t push him for answers as Makoto had or been cross like Haru. He just sounded disappointed and that reaction punched Rin in the gut harder than all the others.

“I know how you get, so I was kind of expecting you to go awol at least once,” Sousuke confessed.

“I’m really sorry,” Rin begged, regretting his decisions so much more. Trust on Sousuke to already predict his fuck up.

“Apology accepted. However,” His friend’s serious tone began to shift towards teasing. “Now that you’ve learned from your mistakes, unless you’re in a ditch, beat up, dying from hunger and thirst we expect you to call. And even then you better at least attempt to text “s.o.s” or something. You hear me?”

Rin wheezed out laugh, nearly delirious with joy. He was amazed at not only how freakishly patient they were with him but how creepily happy that made him feel. “Sorry again. I really am. I was just stuck in my head and...I won’t doubt our friendship ever again”.

“Rin, you’re way too important to us to ever doubt it,” was all Sousuke had to say for Rin burst into tears once more.


	2. A Shadow Acknowledged

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to update this Saturday night as last time but I was too busy sleeping (haha) to prepare for a long drive to move my things out of my apartment. Time to find a new job now. But I'll definitely still be updating and writing this story. I've put it off for too long!
> 
> Thank you for all the kindest of comments and kudos. I appreciate it so, so very much and they put a big smile on my face! Please enjoy the newest chapter.
> 
> I do not own Free! Iwatobi Swim Club/Eternal Summer

 

“I made mackerel bread today,”

Rin choked on the energy drink he had been guzzling down outside the gym. Little droplets of the liquid sprinkled down his chin and onto his tank top. “When will you learn you need to use your talents for good?”

“Fish and bread tastes good together,” Haru reasoned in a sad attempt to make his new recipie seem rational. “I just replaced the oil with the leftover oil from my fish”.

“Urk”.

“I’m going to make you some when you come visit”.

“Don’t you even dare!!”

The shout took a couple walking towards the parking lot by surprise. Rin sheepishly bowed his head out of habit and apologized. Running a hand through his sweaty hair he began to walk back to the dorm. His workout had already been going on an hour and he was going to push for ten more minutes until Haru called. Ever since that day, random text pictures had continued (and the disgusting text pic war waged on) but Rin called Makoto just as much as Sousuke now. Eventually Haru began to warm up to phone calls as well, much to everyone’s surprise. Excluding Makoto.

“I think he was starting to feel a little left out,” the cheery wonder told Rin the other night as Anthony and Craig fought over for chips in his living room. He may have been talking to his old friends again but that didn’t stop him from hanging out with his teammates. Sometimes the others asked about them but it was Haru who asked the most. Haru and Rin found themselves exchanging tales about team members and their coaches. The swimming prodigy claimed his team was not as relaxed as Iwatobi had been, or even Rin’s current one. Yet Rin could tell Haru was being properly stimulated whenever he talked about Hideki, the overly friendly joker, Yakumaru, the show off who tried really hard to have friendly matches with him and Daisuke, the team sweetheart who cried passionately whenever someone on their team won a race.

“No one makes you feel different because you’re a foreigner this time?” Haru constantly asked and he asked again as Rin made his way back to his single dorm. “Haru for the last time, that wasn’t the main problem with my last stay here,” Rin lightly scolded but it made him feel good that Haru cared to ask about that at all. Usually people focused on him not being the best swimmer and not how feeling alienated only amplified that feeling of defeat. “Besides, the program I’m a part of now is like, way more diverse. Anthony’s dad is from Nigeria and Ricardo and Ivan were scouted from Chile and Russia. They’re not Japanese but that combined with just, nicer people in general, it works out”.

“Hmm,” Haru hummed, which in Haru speak meant he was satisfied.

They talked a bit more before Haru said he had to go to practice and then meet up with Makoto and Sosuke after that. The thought of the trio hanging out without him still made him a little sad but the loneliness wasn’t half as bad as it had been earlier in the semester. Besides, it was nearly December and the holidays would be rolling right around the corner. Just a couple weeks ago, he received a text from Gou with an attached picture of her, Nagisa and Rei wearing animal ear headbands in honor of Halloween. He didn’t bother tell them that Halloween was October 31st, and not the 26th. Nor did he correct the actual text, most definitely written by Nagisa, that said in bad English, “Trik or Treet, smells the feet, give me eats”. Then Rin happened to notice Nagisa’s arm around his sister’s waist and it kind of threw him off.

Had Nagisa and Gou always been that close? Then again, Gou had her cheeks smushed comfortably against Rei’s shoulder and hands clutched around his arm, a perfectly innocent smile blessing her face. Yeah, he was definitely reading too much into it. And when the text that followed after it, (written clearly by Gou this time) promised to mail him some candy corn he huffed at his outrageous suspicions. He’d have nothing crazy to worry about when he saw them again.

What Rin did worry about on those cool days was Sousuke’s shoulder. Not that it was getting any worse but it wasn’t getting better either. It was putting Sousuke on edge for the past week or so, to the point where when he did try to ask about it, he demanded Rin drop it.

“I wonder if I put a burden on him,” Rin mused after he informed Nitori of what was going on. “I cried and said I’d wait for him. But I might have put unneeded pressure on him.”

“What, no way!” Nitori disagreed. “I think Yamazaki senpai is just a little upset the recovery isn’t going as fast as he wants. How he feels has nothing to do with you Rin senpai!” Rin listened for noises in the background (as prone to do whenever he called any of his friends back home now), and heard Momo’s loud snores. It was good Nitori was such a heavy sleeper who could drift off to any noise because he wouldn’t be able to deal.

“I told you, stop calling me senpai. And no, I really tend to do that to people I care for,” Rin pushed on. “I was thinking about that earlier. About how when I took Haru here I kind of went on about how he and I were fated to share the same dream or some bullshit like that. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve grown a little since then but I really should have handled that differently. I do want to share a dream with Haru but I should have let him made that choice”.

“But he did!” Nitori cried. “You just...gave him a little push”.

“See, exactly. Makoto wouldn’t have done that”.

“But senpa....Rin, you’re not Makoto-san,” Nitori said, sounding a little exasperated. “I know you’ve always thought very highly of him but he’s himself and you’re you. Besides, I think you’re saying all these things because-”

“Because I’m stressed about Sousuke and the preliminaries coming up?” Rin said dryly.

“Actually no. I think your relationship with Nanase-san has changed”.

Rin’s lips twisted with a “Huh?”

“It’s true,” Nitori said, voice becoming softer as Momo’s snores went on into the night. “There’s just something different about the way you talk about him now. Like you’re more sensitive about how he feels. Not to say you didn’t care about his feelings before! But you sort of, consider them more now that he’s opened up”.

“He has?”

“You haven’t noticed? Before it always felt like...you’re fates really were tied together but there was still some distance between you two. But just from hearing about how you keep up with each other, it sounds like that distance has closed”.

Rin watched the hands of the clock on his wall tick in time with his heart beat. “So now there’s a hundred percent chance for our fates to always be tied together, is what you’re saying”. Nitori laughed. Rin found it aggravatingly cute.

“If that’s how you want to see it. It’s...kind of romantic huh?”

Rin began to sputter, caught off guard by the statement. “What on earth are you talking about?”

“Makoto-san once told me you always liked romantic like things!” Nitori panicked. “So it seemed fitting, I’m not suggesting anything! Also I’m looking at Momo all scrunched up in my side right now so it just came out! ....No, wait! I mean-!”

Damn that Makoto!” Rin said with a snarl. “Sharing stuff that should be kept well in the past!”

“B-but you still kind of are like that Rin-senpa-”

“Also,” Rin said, continuing his inquiry. “What the hell does looking at Momo snoring have to do with me being roman-?”

“Oh-uh! Um, Momo’s waking up! I-I gotta go Rin-senpai~!” With a click, Nitori ended the call to deal with a probably grumpy roommate. Rin looked down as his cell screen and clucked his tongue. “I told him to stop calling me senpai…”

But Nitori hadn’t been wrong. Haru was more open with him, he just hadn’t really noticed until his former underclassman said something. Even when he returned to Iwatobi before they weren’t talking “at least three times a week”. But other relationships were changing too. Nitori had called Makoto by his first name and Momo was stuck to his side like glue. Whenever he talked to Gou, her praises for Rei and Nagisa sounded more akin to a friend bragging about her close friends than a club manager listing her member’s achievements. Sousuke let Makoto come with him for his bi-weekly physical therapy classes. But Makoto and his relationship with Rin was...

“I know you’ve always thought very highly of him…”

Or maybe the change in his relationship with Makoto wasn’t that astounding to him after all. It might have been just as unchanged as his friendship with Sousuke. Because every since that day, when they walked back from the Iwatobi swim club, he, glassy eyed and yearning to have Haru swim with him forever, for just a moment, wished to look at Makoto’s sweet smile forever as well.

 

* * *

 

His team won the most races in his school’s region. He, Anthony, Craig and Ricardo won their relay race and broke the record. When Ricardo started to cry, Rin naturally joined in. Anthony covered his eyes with his arms but he wasn’t fooling anyone. Craig, the oldest, drew them all into a hug, and despite teammates howling “gay”, they soon joined in the hug fest as well.

There was an after party at Phillip’s apartment. Not too rowdy but with enough alcohol to have people randomly come by and share a drink. Finals were over after all. Rin was pretty sure the only reason he got hundred percent on his statistics final was because he literally had Rei tutor him over skype. Which lead to Nagisa interrupting them fifty percent of the time and Sousuke joking that that he was required to facetime him once a week too (but Rin was pretty sure that only fifty percent of that was an actual joke).

Anthony slinked over, his tolerance meter obviously reaching it’s max, and slung an arm around his shoulder. “I can’t believe we did it!”

Rin grinned, ruffling Anthony’s springy curls. “I know! Next semester we’ll work even harder!” Anthony nodded with such vigor Rin momentarily worried he was going to make himself sick. “We will! This music is making my head hurt though and I have NO clue where all these random people came from”. He took a look at pair of girls flirting super hard with Ricardo and then turned back to Rin. “Can we go outside of some air?”

“Yeah, why not?”

The two of them sat in the grass on the apartment complex’s lawn, looking up at the stars. Rin got lost at how they were the brightest he had ever seen them in Australia. Back home in Iwatobi, he saw them more clearly, taking their light for granted. It took a lot a things for granted.

He felt his throat knot up, feeling a sudden bout of homesickness. He wished he hugged his mother harder and actually told Gou how much he loved her before he left. Visited his father's grave one more time. But most of all, he wished to have his arm around a cutely sulking Haru as they watched Sousuke and Makoto be enraptured by each other. He's still not sure why that memory was so dear to him. It was his last night there, and it was a little bittersweet. But no matter how far he could go...he knew he'd always be at peace with those three. Anthony lazily turned his head and looked him over. “You okay? Looks like you jus’ saw a ghost”. Rin blinked, trying to chase way the images from his head.

“A ghost huh?”

“Yep,” Anthony nodded, eyes slowly closing. Rin waited to see if he would say anything else, but when he heard light snoring he jabbed the drunkard’s arm, hard. “Oi, don’t fall asleep on me now”.

“‘M’not,” Anthony mumbled but opened his eyes to look at Rin, serious. “I hope you weren’t bothered by what the team said when we won”.

“Congratulations?”

“Pfft, no. I’m talking about when Craig hugged us and they started yelling gay like ten year olds”.

Rin had almost forgotten that happened, he was much too busy crying into Ricardo’s shoulder. “Oh that. Nah, I didn’t care...why would I?” Rin could sense the dread creep upon him like a familiar entity he acknowledged followed him but pretended to never notice. Anthony’s expression didn’t change though, still somber.

“It’s okay if it didn’t. Bothered me though”.

He definitely had Rin’s full attention now, who was beginning to peg this under “Anthony is just piss drunk” rambling. “Really?”

“Yeah...s’not nice”.

“Yeah, guess you’re right,” Rin commented but he was at a lost of what to say. Or rather, he wanted to say something, but he wasn’t sure exactly how to say it or even understood what it really was he wanted to say.

“Rin?”

“Hmm?”

“...We’re friends right?”

Rin gave him a look. “Of course you dork. Come on, let’s get you home. You’re obviously out of it-”

“I’m gay”.

The gears in Rin’s body came to a halt. He could only slowly turn his head and stare at the boy who refused to budge from the ground. “What did you say?”

Anthony’s eyes were wide, and he looked frightened, like he didn’t actually mean to say what he said. But then he swallowed, pinched his eyes brows together and said once more, “I’m gay Rin”.

“But-!” Rin suddenly shouted because his world suddenly felt warped. “I thought you were in love with that girl from back home-!”

“Ha, wow. Of course you did, everyone else did,” Anthony choked out, all his bravery deserted when Rin raised his voice. “But. I really had a thing for my guy friend. Since middle school. I just never told him because I was afraid he’d think I was a fucking freak and hate me. I bet..I bet you hate me now too...”

Anthony leapt off his back and began stagger away. Before he could trip on his own feet, Rin caught him in his arms. “A-Anthony”.

“Let me go!” Anthony wailed, wild eyed with teeth bared. “It’s not like I’m in love with you so you don’t have to be so fucking disgusted. I should have never said anything!”

“Anthony-!”

“But you’re just having the normal reaction, normal like everyone else huh? I just thought that maybe, just-!”

Rin held Anthony tight, a sob escaping his own mouth. Everything was spinning, and his heart was trying to fly out of his mouth. Images of his father, his family and friends all flashed in his mind, like a malfunctioning slideshow.

The familiar entity, the ghost who haunted him for as long as he could remember, whispered in his ear.

'Say it'

“Anthony, it’s okay, I like boys too!”

Rin screamed it out like a cry, the confession stabbing at his willing ignorance into oblivion. He couldn’t go back, back to pretending, back to ignoring, back to trying to forget. All the while a voice in his head, his voice, was screaming that this was wrong, that he could still pretend and make a joke out of it later, to take it all back.

But, when Anthony turned to look at him, eyes glassy with tears, and the shadows of horror and fear leaving his face, Rin saw his reflection in those eyes. He saw the kid he once was lovingly taking sunshine from Makoto, heart brokenly waiting for Haru to swim with him, and breathlessly watching Sousuke laugh. Anthony let out a sigh before falling to his knees, shaking all over. Rin fell right with him.

“I’m glad you’re my friend,” Anthony murmured into Rin’s chest as the red head kept his arms around him, afraid to let go. “I was so alone".

"Not anymore," Rin said into his curls. He wouldn't abandon him. Ever. They need each other now. Because sitting peacefully with those three again would probably become something of a distant dreamy past.

 

* * *

 

Rin asked if Anthony needs some support for when he goes back home for break.

“And have you ditch Haru-kun?” Anthony asks, flabbergasted. “No way dude.” He put a hand on his shoulder. “Thanks for asking but I think I’ll be fine”.

Rin just wants to be a better friend. Anthony doesn’t know how he holds things in, or gets frustrated whenever someone he loves does something he doesn’t like. He wants to treat Anthony, all of the people he’s come to call friends on his team, like a clean slate. That way the chance for them saying things like “I was expecting this to be honest” if ever, or whenever, he does mess up will be minimal. He’s not mad that Sousuke said that. He’s glad he did because Sousuke knows how he is and he’s going to use that to change. To surprise him and be a friend who didn’t fly off to randomly do his own thing.

It’s Craig, along with Ivan, who drives him to the airport. Rin checks his phone and he already has four texts from Anthony, three with obnoxious kissy face emojis, and the last one saying “I’m nervous as hell but it feels good having your support. I’m going to miss you (no homo). Wishing you luck”. Rin can’t help but quietly laugh until he notices Ivan looking over his shoulder.

“Shit! You scared me” Rin yells out while Craig, eyes still on the road, makes it his turn to laugh. Ivan smiles, apologetically. “Sorry. Just wanted to make sure Anthony okay”.

“He did seem kind of out of it at Phillip’s party,” Craig offhandedly comments and merges into the next lane.

“Yes”. Ivan says, voice soft. “I was a little worried about him. But he seem to be doing better now thanks to Rin”. Ivan gives him a big smile and Rin, touched, grins right back. In only a matter of minutes Craig reaches the airport and gets out the car to help with the luggage. Rin’s suitcase is small compared to Ivan’s, who was bringing his family a lot of souvenirs. The tall boy gives Rin and Craig warm hugs before departing. Rin is about to say thanks and a good bye as well until Craig puts a hand on his arm to stop him.

“Thanks for that talk with Anthony,” Craig says, smile wide and appreciative. “Whatever you said to him really put him in a better mood. He adores you, you know that?” Rin nervously smiles and crosses his arms, holding himself. “Y-yeah. Anthony’s great. You’re all great really”.

“I’m glad. We really do have a good team. Even if they sometimes make insensitive jokes, I’m sure whatever new things we’ll learn about each other will be accepted.”

Craig’s look is too knowing for Rin to ignore it and he thinks back on all the times the young man and Anthony hung out by themselves for the first few weeks of school.

“That’s good to know,” he finally decides to say. “We should really...talk some time”. Craig pats his shoulder very sincerely.

“Definitely!”

Before the plane takes off, Rin hurriedly texts Anthony if he told Craig about his sexual orientation. Five seconds later, Anthony responds no with a ten question marks behind it. Rin debates on whether he should even alert Anthony that Craig may have them figured out. It could put added stress on his friend. But he concludes a good friend doesn’t keep concerns like this to themselves and tells him anyway. He then turns his phone off and tries to put his mind at ease through the power of sleep.

When the plane lands and he wakes up, groggy from not exactly the best nap in the world, he turns on his cell again. There’s only one text from Anthony and it says “shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit”. But there’s also a laughing, crying emoji right after that and Rin realizes just how much stronger Anthony is, emotionally, compared to him.

 

* * *

 

When he unlocks and opens the front door Gou and Nagisa rush him before he can even yell for them to wait. While he’s on the floor, twitching in the surprisingly strong grips of the his little sister and little brother type friend, the second little brother type friend hovers above them trying to look concerned. Trying. Rin can immediately tell Nitori wants in on the hugging action. Already vanquished by said hugs, Rin loosens his arm from under Nagisa’s cheeks and waves for Nitori to join. He does so with a wailing, “Senpaaaaaai!”

Rei easily finds them very soon, his expression clearly showing fatigue. Poor Rei. He probably had to put up with all three of their antsy antics. He’s heard from his mom Gou has a habit of muttering to herself, “nii-san better not be late” or “nii-san is such a jerk”, whenever he’s on his way home. He can only imagine how much more aggravating Nagisa and Nitori were. Rei’s expression turns soft however when he and Rin’s eyes meet. He holds out a hand, as if helping the fiery haired boy come out from the edge of the cool waters of the pool.

“Welcome back Rin-san,” he smiles, and Rin feels pretty damn good that unlike last time coming back to Iwatobi, the smiles he recieves don’t feel as if he hasn’t seen them in ages. He saw Gou smile as she joked about cutting her hair last week. He was there when Nagisa wickedly grinned and Nitori reluctantly exploded in laughter when the former tickled him after a joint practice. And smiled till it hurt with Rei when an underclassman finally learned the breaststroke. All these moments were as clear as the water’s surface because they all told him about their lives on those hot, still evenings in his dorm as Anthony and Ricardo loudly screamed hello in bad Japanese.

For a moment, he forgot all his worries. He was glad he came back home after all.

“Good to be back”.

When they all finally let Rin get up and they along with him, Rin stares dumbly at Nitori and Nagisa for practically one whole minute.

“...Did you two get taller?!”

Then there are some things even he can’t clearly see from just a phone call alone.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I handled Rin's (and Anthony's) coming out scene well. It's a sensitive, life changing subject and I hope I did it some justice (and continue to do it justice!). Next chapter the awaited trio arrive in person. It will come out faster this time, I promise! As always, if you enjoyed, please leave a comment or a kudos. And of course, helpful critiques are always welcomed. Until next time!


	3. A Lullaby For Rin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This came out later than planned because LIFE. I got a summer job and have been applying for jobs for after that ends. But here is the next chapter. Thank you once again for all you left kudos, book marked, and commented. I hope you enjoy!

 

“Haru-chan and the others aren’t arriving until eleven tonight,” Nagisa explains as he munched on a rice ball. Rin feels his throat tighten. Yes, that was a good thing, he reasons. “Oh really?” he says in case they saw the relief he was currently feeling on his face. “Why so late?”

“Nagisa don’t talk with your mouth full,” Rei scolds the blond like a guardian at their wits end, and it’s almost comical. “Makoto wanted all of them to take the bus together but the only way they could do that was on the seven o’clock ride. It will be late, but we’re planning to meet them there anyway”.

“Don’t stay up too late!” Rin’s mother reminds them poking her from the kitchen. Her burgundy hair is peppered with gray and the edges of her eyes wrinkles whenever she smiles now. “The college boys may already be on break but you still have a week of school left”. Nagisa let’s out a whine, probably because he didn’t want to be reminded about school while Nitori chirps “Yes ma'am”.

“So Nitori,” Rin brings up, because really, it’s kind of bothering him now. “Where’s Momo?” Momo hanging around his doe eyed upperclassmen whenever Rin calls is such a constant, that seeing Nitori without him feels strange, almost incomplete. Nitori turns red for some reason and stutters a bit before answering.

“He’s visiting his grandmother,” he explains, avoiding eye contact with everyone. “She had a health scare apparently so his whole family went to see her for the next couple of days. He’ll be back before the last practice of the year though so don’t worry!” He finally looks at Rin and gives him a forced smile. It’s very apparent if anyone is actually worried about Momo not returning before then, it’s Nitori himself.

“But we’re really excited to have you guys watch our last meet!” Rei proclaims, eyes practically sparkling. “We’ve been doing a lot of joint practice with Samezuka this year and it’s gets the others fired up to see such dedicated swimmers”. “Plus everyone looks so good,” Gou adds dazedly, hands on her face to hide the very obvious blush coming onto her cheeks. She looks more ridiculous than usual however because there’s a rice grain stuck on the corner of her lip.

“Hey scatter brain-sama!” Rin hoots, in preparation of some good old sibling teasing. “You got a rice grain stuck on your face-”

“So she does,” Rei suddenly jumps in, and without any hesitation, uses a finger to brush it off.

Rin’s voice dies in his throat. Gou blinks, and then looks up at Rei, wide eyed and still red.

“Thank you”.

Rei’s face turns equally red just as fast, his actions finally dawning on him. “”Y-Your welcome”.

There’s an awkward silence until Rin catches Nitori giving Nagisa an unreadable look. The other boy refuses to look back at him though and then burst out in a laughter that Rin can only describe as flighty.

“Boy, silly stuff sure happens when you’re not here Rin-chan! Anyway, we can’t wait for meet our newest team mates! Well they’re not really new to us anymore but you know what I mean. Especially, Taku-chan, I think you’ll like-”

Minutes later it’s as if the incident never happened, and Rin may have been able to forget it too if not for the little redness that stays on Gou’s and Rei’s faces or the chatter from Nagisa that seems louder than usual.

 

* * *

 

“Rin! I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there!!” Momo yells into the phone. “I would let you say hi to nii-san but he’s having a really serious conversation with grandpa.” Rin chuckles, the cold air stinging his cheeks a bit. “Nah, it’s okay. I’ll just hit him up later”.

“Ask him if he did his chemistry homework yet,” Nitori whispers, pulling his hat down so it can cover his ears. In the distance a train whistles and Nagisa, to Rin’s right, comments that it would have been cooler if the trio were arriving in one of them instead. Rei goes on to lecture him that the trains here are only for transporting commercial goods. Nagisa laughs wrapping his hands around the spectacled boys arms and bumping his head on his shoulders. Rei’s looks down at Nagisa’s golden crown, eyes flooding with adoration.

Rin briefly wonders if...but then the way Rei was acting with Gou was questionable. But Nagisa and Gou were also pretty close since their older classmate’s departure. That Halloween picture appears in his head once more and he can’t help but suspect something is up.

Then again, maybe it was wistful thinking on Rin’s part to have a friend of Iwatobi like him.

“Riiiiin!!” Momo yells, clearly getting that he’s being ignored. “I said to tell Nitori that I did my chemistry homework! Also, I’m going to bring back my grandpa’s famous kamaboko for you. I’ll pack it and we can eat it on New Year’s!”

“How did you hear Nitori asking about the chemistry homework?” Rin questioned, a little confused. Momo giggles.

“I didn’t hear but I’m just knew he would quietly ask you to do that for him,” Momo says. “But honestly, if Nitori senpai wanted to know about my homework HE SHOULD JUST ASK HIMSELF”. Rin’s eardrum rings in protest and he momentarily says goodbye to it. Nice knowing ya faithful eardrum, you served him well. Nitori grabs the phone from his hand, pauses to say a meek sorry, and then yells right back into the phone. “Momo, don’t yell at Rin like that!! It’s rude and inconsiderate!

“NITORI SENPAI I MISS YOU!”

“S-SHUT UP!”

Rin watches the spectacle, amazed. Nagisa, who has since detached himself from Rei pulls at his jacket. It’s still weird that the top of Nagisa’s head goes past his shoulders now.

“If you think this is bad you should see them at practice,” he tells him, eyes full with glee. “You are enjoying this way too much,” Rin accuses but ruffles his hair. He has no fucking clue what is going on between him, Rei and just how Gou equates into that (who opted to stay home and go over her swimming regime for the meet coming up) but it does feel nice to stand here with them.

They wait for another hour, Nitori hanging up the phone to force Momo to stop hassling him and spend time with his grandmother (he regrets it five minutes later, worrying he was too brash and that it wasn’t very captain like of him). Nagisa eases his nerves as he makes them all dance in a circle to warm their bodies up and “summon the gods of heat”. Rei and Rin refuse at first but when the elder watches Nagisa flail, linking hands with a sputtering Nitori, he can no longer have his eyes offended. He begins to teach them a number of dances he’s learned from his Australian friends, which all comes from Western media.

“They don’t do the macarena anymore?”

“Rei, the macarena is over a decade old,” Rin exclaims, appalled.

“Oh, right. I like it better than this “dab” you’re telling us about though”. Nagisa meanwhile likes the dab entirely too much and viciously practices it until he hits Nitori in the face.

“Please teach us something else,” Rei deadpans, looking as if the life has been sucked out of him. Nitori rubs his hit cheek as Nagisa profusely says sorry.

Luckily, before Nagisa can suggest they start pretending to be ice skaters of all things, the bus finally pulls up. The vehicle is old so Rin automatically knows from years of traveling in and out of his home town that it’s cheap. In the window he can see the top of Sousuke’s wild hair and forces down a gulp.

The first one to step out is Haru. Rin can already tell, in spite of the jacket, that he’s put on even more muscle. He scans the little welcome party over before Nagisa tackles him with a hug.

“Haru-chan, you returned to me!” he says, without taking a breath and it’s like they’re in elementary school again. “Speak so I can hear your voice again!”

“We spoke yesterday,” Haru says, granting the request anyway. His voice makes Rin’s whole body tingle. People sound different on the phone and Haru’s true voice cuts into the night air, sharp yet smooth, like a river. It has Rin craving for more.

“Hey, don’t suffocate him”.

It’s Sousuke, coming up from behind the duo like a shadow. It doesn’t help that he’s wearing all black. He has thinned a bit due to not competitively swimming but he’s still huge. Nagisa isn’t the least bit intimidated though.

“It’s good to see you too Sou-chan!”

“You’re really going to keep calling me that huh?” The broody boy catches Rin’s eyes. Gradually, that slow smile of Sousuke’s folds itself out just for him.

“‘Sup.”

“Hey”.

Rin’s neck feels hot and itchy under his scarf.

Sousuke then turns his attention to the other two. “Glad to see you here too Nitori. Ryugazaki”. He walks up to Nitori and holds out a hand. Nitori, red from sudden shyness or the night air, carefully puts his hand in his, only to have the taller boy yank him into a hearty hug. Nitori disappears in his arms with a squeak. Haru has since walked over to Rei, Nagisa still attached to him like a feeder fish, and lets the boy ask a slew of questions, all revolving around school, swimming, and what Tokyo is like. Haru momentarily looks at him to give him a nod of acknowledgement and Rin nods back. Rin isn’t bothered that Haru and Sousuke are giving priority to their kouhais. He could use the space to be honest…

But that doesn’t stop him from searching for Makoto. The bus is now empty, Iwatobi being it’s last stop. He eventually finds the sandy haired young man helping the bus driver take out their suitcases. Of course. He bows his head to the old man.

“Thank you so much for your hard work. The trip was very nice,” he says and while his back is turned to him, he can tell he’s smiling his face off even from here. The bus driver seems pleased. “No problem. It was a pleasure. Make sure you all get home safely”. Makoto promises they will as he waves to the bus driver getting back on his bus. Before Rin can even realize what’s going on, he’s walking closer to him, as if he’s on autopilot. He can hear the now familiar heavy thundering of his heart beating in his ears and nearly gawks when Makoto sees him, smile still set in place. His green eyes become wide and his smile gets insanely wider.

“Rin! You’re here!”

Despite the thrill, Rin’s teeth automatically grit in place. “You weren’t expecting me?”

A little panicked, Makoto instantly recognizes his mistake and Rin has a crazy thought that maybe Makoto is becoming extremely good at reading other people not named Haru. “No what I meant is,” Makoto explains, hands letting go of a suitcase handle. “Gou sent me this funny text. About how your mom was going to tie you in a chair and force you to watch dramas with her the first night you came back…”

Rin’s eyes narrow. “...She _did_ say she was going to make sure I spent more time with her now that she’s getting older…”

Makoto is grinning again, eyes crinkling shut. “Hehe, good thing I warned you then. How are you?” Rin rolls his eyes.

“You know we did just talk to each other two days ago ”.

“But a lot could happen in two days,” Makoto brings up, smile becoming (adorably) playful. “So I have to make sure you’re alright!”

Make sure he’s alright? Makoto is sort of a busybody, but the only person he really checked up on so frequently in the past is Haru. It suddenly dawns on Rin, that those weekly phone calls are kind of akin to that and his face feels feverishly hot. Makoto does the worst possible thing and steps closer.

“Rin?” he says, pretty green eyes laced with concern. “Are you feeling too hot under all those clothes?”

_‘Want me to take you out of them?’_

“I’m fine!” Rin shouts out, also, _where the fuck did that thought come from???_ Behind him, he hears a snicker and turns to see Sousuke not so quietly laughing at the two. Nagisa is coyly laughing behind his hand as well. Haru frowns instead.

“Makoto, don’t smother him,” he orders and Makoto let’s out a whine. “But he’s so red-”

“He’s always red,” Sousuke butts in, laugh still weaving itself in his voice. “Red in the hair, red in the face from throwing fits, red eyes from crying-”

“O-okay, I think, now that everyone’s here, we should make our way back!” Nitori pipes up and kami bless him and all the micromanaging he’s learned from being a captain because Sousuke shuts up and looks at Nitori like he’s catching a glimpse of a miracle.

“Wait...Nitori…”

“I noticed it too,” Haru suddenly says, apparently getting what Sousuke was getting at. “Nagisa as well.”

“Huh?” Makoto responds confused, until he takes one long look at Nagisa and then at Nitori, both having a comparison right next to them via Haruka and Sousuke, respectively.

“...Did you guys get taller?!”

 

* * *

 

The group had made their way to Haru’s place because his parents weren’t home (when were they ever) and decided to crash there. Which apparently was the plan all along when Rei, Nagisa, and Nitori picked up their book bags sitting peacefully, undisturbed, at Haru’s front door.

Rin threw his hands in the air and gave them a judging look. Sousuke, patted his shoulder and promised he could borrow a shirt from one of them.

“Welcome,” Haru says as he unlocks the front door and walked in. Everyone else follows him, single file. Makoto takes in a breath of air.

“It’s been a while,” he comments, craning his head to look at the house he probably could call a second home. Haru heads straight for his room and of course, Makoto follows. The others stay in the living room. Rin tries to ignore the pang in his chest that it’s obviously still an unspoken rule that only Makoto really gets to go into Haru’s bedroom without ceremony (Every time he’s gone in, Haru made a fabulously big stink about it). This doesn’t bother Nagisa, as he unrolls the sleeping bag that was stuffed in his knap sack.

“Come on guys!” he says, eyes gleaming with excitement. “Let’s all settle down and tell scary bedtime stories~” Sousuke makes a sour face. “Don’t you have school tomorrow?

“No Sou-chan! This is what young men like us are suppose to do at sleepovers! We can even act it out. You can be the big, strong tree that houses a dangerous spirit in its roots”.

“The only danger we’ll be facing is being too tired for class,” Rei sternly reminds the overly excited boy. “We do have midterms next week, I hope you remember that”.

“Ugh fine!” Nagisa relents, plopping onto his sleeping bag face down. Rei sighs, sits down next to him, and bends his head to quietly begin talking to him. Probably trying to remind him there will be plenty of time to play later. Rin knows that Nagisa is just really happy to see all of them again, in person, and just wants to hang out.

When Haru and Makoto come back, arms full of pillows and blankets, Nagisa is calmer and asks Haru to sleep next to him. He wants to hear everything about Daisuke and how he wrote a “love” letter of some sorts to Haru. This letter was full of nothing but praise for the talented swimmer, thanking Haru for being such an inspiration to the team. There were even wrinkled patches of a tear stain on it.

Haru does retell it, stonily, because that letter, no matter how funny Nagisa found it, caused...a good deal of trouble for him. Rin doesn’t know the specifics but Haru felt pressured (never good), Makoto felt useless trying to help him (not any better), and Sousuke apparently got really upset and snapped at both of them (definitely dangerous territory).

Nagisa eventually picks up Haru’s aura and tells him if there was another story he wanted to tell, he could. The somber boy stops talking, looks at the ceiling, and then begins to tell how them how Daisuke baked teriyaki veggies for him. Sousuke, who has taken a spot next to Rin, chuckles under his breath with his eyes closed.

“What’s so funny?” Rin asks and tells himself to chill when Sousuke opens those steely dark eyes.

“It’s just funny, how forgiving Haru actually is,” he says, arms crossed lax across his chest. On his other side, Nitori softly snores.

They all fall asleep eventually. One after the other, snores upon snores pop up. Under his breath Nagisa, retells Haru about the pink rhinos he dreamed about, then stating he was seeing one right now. Rin quietly laughs at that until he realizes he’s the only one still awake.

No problem, he’ll just close his eyes and fall asleep.

Sleep doesn’t come though. An hour later and he’s tossing and turning in frustration. He’s never had trouble falling asleep. Unless he’s bothered by something.

With every breath he smells the shirt he borrowed from Makoto. When he tries to think about how much fun he had earlier, the image of Haru and the brunette disappearing into Haru’s room keeps coming up. And when he turns he head to see Sousuke’s adam’s apple bob up in down, full of muscle yet tantalizing soft looking, he finally figures out what the problem is.

He needs to get out of here.

Silently picking up a sheet and pillow, he goes out of the room and into the hallway. He briefly thinks about sleeping in Haru’s room but that’s out of the question, especially since he’s so on edge. With a kiss of the teeth, he angrily flops down as Nagisa had down earlier and squeezes his eyes shut. He’s about to give himself a mental beat down ( _‘You’ve always had a secret hard on for boys but you’ve lived in dorms, even shared a bed with Haru once for fuck’s sake, what’s your problem?’_ ) when his phone vibrates. Rin desperately hopes it’s Anthony and when he sees that it is, he lets out a gasp, like he’s been holding his breath for too long.

Yanking off Makoto’s shirt, he opens the text.

‘ _so...I know we r like being super supportive of each other but... i have a confession’._

Rin’s literally feels his blood run cold. Was Anthony lying? Was it just a setup to weed out who on the swim team was the freaky one? What about their friendship? Rin has never been one to come up with random horrible scenarios but he’s feeling pretty venerable.

The phone buzzes again with the answer.

_‘i think i’m actually SUPER GAY’_

Oh. Thank you universe. Rin quickly texts back.

_‘What do you know ...i might be too. Holy hell’_

But...if Rin were to be honest, he’s had crush on this one girl, that one time when he was real young. But he’s never been _in love_ with a girl. It’s just his heart certainly didn’t race whenever he looked at a girl. They were pretty to look at but that was about it.

Anthony texts back with a, _‘yeah, i figured. We should form the tweeny weeny gay club’_

_‘Yeah no’_

_‘lol but really...is it weird...that even after all this, with them together and all that...that im still maybe, in love with him? like even if i were to ever find someone else, id still be crazy about it? That’s weird right????’_

Rin reflects on it, on the pang in his chest he first felt when Haru and Makoto became friends with Sousuke, of the fear of being left out; about how freaking happy he felt when he saw all three of them get off that bus. He thought it just might have been, ‘hey, now that I acknowledge I’m gay I’m horny for all my friends’. But he definitely didn’t blush whenever Nagisa tackled him with a hug, or felt his heart jump when Rei took his hand to help him up, or feel light headed whenever Nitori accidently still called him senpai with those admiring round eyes. It’s just, always been those three…always them.

_“it’s not weird at all’_

 

* * *

 

Rin wakes up in the most uncomfortable position ever. His head’s not even on the pillow anymore but his phone remains in his grasp. He’s about to get up and try to make himself more comfortable when to he stops and sees Sousuke is there as well.

Rin definitely did not let out a sharp cry and then stay still in case he woke anyone up. Nope.

Sousuke himself is asleep, leaning against the wall, arms crossed, with a stern expression on his face. Haru’s hallways aren’t even big enough for his legs, he had to sit cross legged to make room. Rin watches as he breathes in and out, and feels an odd sense of content just watching him, even if this guy is one of the culprits driving him crazy. He dares himself reach out and just…touch his eyelashes…

Sousuke wakes with a jump and Rin jumps as well, an “eeh!” escaping his mouth. It’s not very cool. The dark haired giant blearily blinks and then slowly looks at Rin, frown becoming more obvious.

“Why the hell you here?” he demands to know and Rin’s best option is to play it dumb and shrug.

“I don’t know, I could ask you the same question,” he smartly says back with a strained smile but Sousuke, damn Sousuke, is not falling for it.

“Something’s…bothering you…” he mumbles and Rin guesses he’s still kind of sleepy. His eyes drop for a second before snapping open again. Rin laughs abruptly. It’s kind of hilarious watching Sousuke try and stay awake, even if the reason is to scold him.

“Well…yeah. But I’m okay now”.

Sousuke glares. “You better not be lying”.

“I’m here with you...so I’m good now”.

Sousuke’s eyes then open a little more and Rin internally curses. That didn’t come out the way he wanted it too. But to his surprise, Sousuke draws closer to him, eyes still trained on his form.

“Um Sousuke-?”

“I really fucking missed you”.

It comes out of his mouth in a rush. Rin simply looks back, nearly getting lost in those eyes. He briefly wonders…if Sousuke ever finds him just as captivating. Probably not. Sousuke is practically a god standing next to Rin, he knows that much.

“I missed you too” he says, meaning every word. He has no idea just how much he’s missed them. There was nothing that could ever compare standing next to his life long friend. Sousuke draws a hand to the stray stubborn hair that always sticks to Rin’s forehead and brushes it back. That one touch alone rattles him.

“Let’s go to sleep,” Sousuke suddenly suggests and Rin, heart dancing boy band choreography, mutely nods.

But when Sousuke actually puts his huge arms around him, Rin let’s out another shriek. Sousuke winces at the sound.

“S’the matter?”

“I-I’m shirtless!” Rin says hotly, body burning up. Sousuke blinks at him, eyes nearly closed shut. He is totally out of it.

“So?”

“So? SO? I don’t want you cuddling all over-”

“Is everything okay?”

Rin whirls his head to see Makoto peeking his head from behind the door, looking anxious. Sousuke points to Rin, eyes still glazed with sleep.

“Won’t sleep with us,” is his blunt report. Rin finds himself making noises he thought he never could. Makoto looks down at him, his worry still evident.

“Rin, is something bothering you?”

“Won’t tell,” Sousuke groans as he gets up and staggers towards him. Rin protests when he grabs one of his arms.

“Where are you taking me?”

“To bed”.

He clenches his teeth and tries to pull back but another, gentler, pair of hands come on his shoulders. Makoto looks down at him, green soulful eyes full of patience.

“You can tell us later. Come to bed”.

There’s that sweet loving voice only Makoto can do. Rin begrudgingly gets up and let’s Sousuke drag and Makoto push him into the room. When they get there, Haru is sitting up, eyes brows pinched together. His blue eyes shine with emotion.

“He’s okay,” Makoto reassures him despite Rin knowing he fucking is _not_. “I think he might be catching something”.

“Case of the annoying,” Sousuke huffs but pulls Rin to lie down next to him. He doesn’t let go of his hand.

Makoto steps over them and takes a seat next to Rin’s head. “Want me to sing you a song?” he asks and Rin balks.

“W-What am I five?”

“Makoto sings well,” Haru informs from across the room. Rin shuts his eyes.

“I’m going to die,” he moans covering his face with his free arm. Moments later however Makoto begins to hum. There’s some shuffling and then footsteps. Rin peaks from under his arm to see Haru has joined them, laying on Makoto’s other side, head close to Rin’s feet. The cross young man is tempted to kick his swimming buddy/crush but before he can even make an attempt, Makoto begins to actually sing.

He’s heard Makoto hum songs in the past; cutesy little songs from the twin’s baby shows but that’s about it. What Rin is hearing now is a warm tenor, smooth like chocolate. He can’t make out all the words but Makoto sings each note with care, as if they’re delicate. On his hands he can feel Sousuke lightly drumming his thumb to the beat. Haru’s head nods back and forth, head resting on his arms.

And then, he joins in.

His voice isn’t as rich as Makoto’s. It’s not anything special. But it’s Haru, singing with Makoto, finger scraping against his ankle every time a verse ends and Rin can already feel the first tear fall.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Makoto stops singing to hush him. He strokes the arm covering his face while Sousuke let’s go of his hand, only to have his full arm slung against his naked chest.

“S’kay baby,” he mumbles in support, eyes closed shut. He’s not even really awake anymore.

“We’re here now,” Haru finishes and Rin’s world turns dark, exhaustion finally granting him rest.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please, if you enjoyed or have any helpful critiques on what you read, leave a comment. Those help out an immature writer such as myself a lot. Kudos are just as welcomed!


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